Just some romantic astronomy

"Two of the brightest stars in the night sky are Altair and Vega. And it is said they were deeply in love, but forever separated by celestial river of the Milky Way. But once a year on the seventh day on the seventh month, Vega cries so hard that all the magpies of the world fly up and create a bridge with their wings so the two lovers can be together for a single night of passion."

-Rajesh Koothrappali, The Big Bang Theory

Season 7, episode 19

should I.... or shouldn't I... and I always end up with whatever

I am seeing myself as a person who always fine in any kind of situation. I have hit the rock bottom, and now any kind of problem (still matters) but not as much.
But some things are just too much and overwhelming.
And I end up feeling suffocated with the ways life works. Life is definitely difficult in so many levels.
I am now have clear goals about what I want to do and the path to achieve those isn't easy.
I hate hearing complains, and I hate complaining myself. I've had enough and I need to let it out somehow.

This particular goal, needs much efforts, full attention, and exhausting my body and soul. I always ask myself from time to time, why should I go through all of these? Is it worth it? Do I want it so badly I had to suffer like these?
I am not genius or super good in everything I do. I struggle very badly and most of the time with my own laziness.
But I know I am the type who will go through with it, finish it somehow, and not giving up. It's not because I am motivated to do so. I am pretty sure wanting to make my parents proud is not my main reason. I am not that much of a kind person. To be honest, it's because I have pride in every word I said. That stupid pride of mine made me survived, at least until this very point.

I will let the question be answered at the end of the day. When everything is over. When I survived and achieved that goal. At that time, I can tell whether all of these efforts worth it or not.

For now,
Fake it till you make it