One random evening, I watched
Kodaline’s music video titled All I Want. The first part showed how mean people
can be. How judgmental they are. But the first video also showed hope. A girl
who doesn’t turn her head to this particular guy. Also a dog who loves his
owner with all his heart. A dog never judge. That is the one thing I realized.
A dog will only judge someone by the love he/she received.
Even when people hate you. Hating
your looks or hating any action you took, your dog doesn’t. She/He will always
excited when you came home, eventhough you didn’t bring any food or had a happy
face. A dog will always love you. Always.
I am
really dissapointed with myself on how late I am realizing this. I always take
my dog’s love for granted. Yes, I do love him/her. But I would never love my
dog as much as my dog loves me. I feel like an as. An ungrateful jerk. If I can
turn back time, I’ll treat my dog better. I’ll show her that I love her so damn
much every single day. I’ll take her out every afternoon because I know she
liked how the air breezing through her hair. I’ll take a moment to look at her
face and smile. Just to make sure she knew that I love her.
I will
go see her every single day (because I lived pretty far away from my dog) and
hug her every chance I had. I will stroke her hair softly when she felt pain.
Because she was sick and I couldn’t see any happiness in her eyes. She used to
be excited when I came. She still were, but I could see that she is holding
something back. Yet she did her best to show me that she was happy to see me.
She ran
to me and smiled. But she was too sick to keep it that way. She loves me but
she was too tired to show me for too long. She went under the couch and just
laid there. I knew she was sick, but I didn’t really care. My brother is a vet,
and he will make everything right. My dog will be okay in no time.
But she
didn’t. She died when I am out for college. I didn’t cry because I already went
through this for several times. Dog’s age is not as long as human. It is only
normal if she died, I thought. It is okay. It is only natural.
But I
miss how soft her fur is when I stroke her
But I
miss how excited she is when I called her name
But I
miss how cute she is when she wanted to play
But I
miss how sleepy she is when I pet her
But I
miss how relaxed she is in my hug
But I
miss having her in my embrace
I miss
being loved by her
I miss
knowing the feeling that there is somebody who loves me despite everything I
did
I miss
loving her
I miss
her
I miss
you Chibi
I am
sorry for not loving you as much as you deserved
Now
that you had left
I can
only cry
And
regretting how I acted towards you
On the
days before you die
On the
days before you close your eyes
I am
sorry
I am
sorry
I am
sorry
I love
you
