To the one who got away

One random evening, I watched Kodaline’s music video titled All I Want. The first part showed how mean people can be. How judgmental they are. But the first video also showed hope. A girl who doesn’t turn her head to this particular guy. Also a dog who loves his owner with all his heart. A dog never judge. That is the one thing I realized. A dog will only judge someone by the love he/she received.

Even when people hate you. Hating your looks or hating any action you took, your dog doesn’t. She/He will always excited when you came home, eventhough you didn’t bring any food or had a happy face. A dog will always love you. Always.

                I am really dissapointed with myself on how late I am realizing this. I always take my dog’s love for granted. Yes, I do love him/her. But I would never love my dog as much as my dog loves me. I feel like an as. An ungrateful jerk. If I can turn back time, I’ll treat my dog better. I’ll show her that I love her so damn much every single day. I’ll take her out every afternoon because I know she liked how the air breezing through her hair. I’ll take a moment to look at her face and smile. Just to make sure she knew that I love her.

                I will go see her every single day (because I lived pretty far away from my dog) and hug her every chance I had. I will stroke her hair softly when she felt pain. Because she was sick and I couldn’t see any happiness in her eyes. She used to be excited when I came. She still were, but I could see that she is holding something back. Yet she did her best to show me that she was happy to see me.

                She ran to me and smiled. But she was too sick to keep it that way. She loves me but she was too tired to show me for too long. She went under the couch and just laid there. I knew she was sick, but I didn’t really care. My brother is a vet, and he will make everything right. My dog will be okay in no time.

                But she didn’t. She died when I am out for college. I didn’t cry because I already went through this for several times. Dog’s age is not as long as human. It is only normal if she died, I thought. It is okay. It is only natural.

                But I miss how soft her fur is when I stroke her

                But I miss how excited she is when I called her name

                But I miss how cute she is when she wanted to play

                But I miss how sleepy she is when I pet her

                But I miss how relaxed she is in my hug

                But I miss having her in my embrace

                I miss being loved by her

                I miss knowing the feeling that there is somebody who loves me despite everything I did

                I miss loving her

                I miss her

                I miss you Chibi

                I am sorry for not loving you as much as you deserved

                Now that you had left

                I can only cry

                And regretting how I acted towards you

                On the days before you die

                On the days before you close your eyes

                I am sorry

                I am sorry

                I am sorry

                I love you