Where am I?

I've been living in the intersection now. I can't be myself with both party. Every time I looked at them, I felt guilty. Why I had to do this? Can't we just have fun with everyone no matter what? The answer is NO. This is reality. You can't get everything you want.
But why everything have to be so complicated? To be honest I'm feeling lonely now. If you are not honest, you hide your own feelings, how could you be open to someone else? People said to remain silent and stay away from problem. But I hate this situation. I know I have to find a safe spot. Yet I felt like my laughter, my smile, and my jokes, all of them were fake. As fake as my entity.
Would you stay in grey or choose?

One more thing to say:

SORRY